Beyond the Gender Divide: Challenges Faced by Boys and Men in Modern Society

Moving away from the confining and often oppressive male-dominated societies is important. We must ensure equal opportunities for girls and women—an ongoing priority. While we continue to make strides, an often overlooked area needing attention is the well-being of boys and men in today's society. Based on my experiences supporting boys in public education and working with many men, I've noticed a concerning trend. In my article, I aim to spotlight these observations, backed by research, on the difficulties boys and men face. By sparking public conversation, I hope we can address these issues together for the well-being of all.

There's a general focus on the negatives of patriarchy and 'toxic masculinity,' often attributing many social problems to men. Not only are men seen as (and too often are) violent and dangerous, in advanced economies men are three times more likely than women to take their own lives. This alone begs us to look closer, and with more compassion, at the struggles of boys and men. Why is this happening? And what can we do about it? 

Let’s first look at several aspects of the current crisis: education, mental health, fatherlessness, and positive role models. Keep in mind, that this is only an overview and is by no means an exhaustive analysis. The challenges faced by boys and men are complex. The books 'The Boy Crisis' and 'Of Boys and Men' discuss these challenges in more detail.

Education

Across various grades and subjects, boys tend to have poorer learning outcomes than girls. For high-income countries, this is not a new development—it has been acknowledged and discussed in the literature since the 1990s. The observance of this gap is increasingly common in middle-income countries as well. 

The high percentage of learning disability diagnoses affects performance discrepancy. For example, boys (13%) are more than twice as likely to be diagnosed with ADHD than girls (6%). This significantly impacts their performance and behavior in the classroom, leading to lower academic achievement, self-esteem issues, and potential disengagement from school. 

Girls consistently show higher rates of completion in high school graduation. According to research from the Brookings Institute, in 2018, about 88% of girls graduated on time compared to 82% of boys—a 6 percentage point gap. 

Moreover, women consistently outnumber men in college enrollment, as indicated by national education statistics. In 1972, the U.S. government passed the landmark Title IX laws. The laws aimed to promote gender equality in education. Men received a 12-percentage point gap in bachelor's degrees compared to women. Nobody predicted what happened next: the gap started to widen rapidly in the opposite direction. By 2019, the gender gap in bachelor awards was wider, at 14 points, than it had been in 1972 — but the other way round. 

Possible reasons for this divide include teaching methods that may favor girls' learning styles. Societal expectations around masculinity may deter boys from valuing academic achievement or seeking help when needed. Having spent nearly a decade as an educator in public schools, I observed this firsthand. Many of the boys I worked with struggled to stay focused when asked to sit in lectures for extended periods. Their frequent classroom disruptions were immature ways of expressing their unmet needs. Disciplinary measures were punitive, not restorative. This worsened disconnection and disengagement. 

Our inability to offer supportive learning environments and constructive behavioural interventions affects academic success. It also significantly impacts boys' mental well-being.

Mental Health 

While the teenage years have always been a time for critical development and heightened emotions, teens now seem to be struggling more than ever. One American study found that the rates of depression increased by 52 percent in teens between 2005 and 2017, and in 2019, 70 percent of teens reported anxiety and depression as major problems.

Boys often go undiagnosed for depression because of societal pressures linked to masculinity, making it tough for them to open up about their feelings. Depression might show up in distinct ways among males, making it harder to recognize. As a result, dealing with this mental health concern becomes more challenging.

Adding to these challenges is the growing loneliness epidemic, impacting individuals irrespective of gender but affecting boys and men in unique ways. Societal expectations discourage vulnerability and emotional openness in males. As a result, boys often struggle to show emotions and make social connections. Social isolation can lead to loneliness and worsen mental health. The lack of proactive support networks also plays a role in this. It is important to address these problems comprehensively, at all levels. 

Fatherlessness 

According to the U.S. Census Bureau, more than 20 million children, nearly 1 in 4, live without the physical presence of a biological, step, or adoptive father in the home. Millions more have dads who are physically present, but emotionally absent. 

Studies consistently show that children in fatherless homes face many challenges. Statistics highlight a concerning correlation between father absence and adverse outcomes such as an increased likelihood of living in poverty, higher rates of dropping out of school, and a greater tendency toward behavioral issues. Boys, in particular, are impacted by this trend, facing a higher risk of engaging in risky behaviors like substance abuse, delinquency, and ending up in the criminal justice system. This absence of paternal involvement can create voids in guidance, emotional support, and role modeling that are crucial for a child's development.

Role Models and Masculinity

The perception of masculinity has changed due to evolving societal understanding. This shift has greatly impacted the definition of manhood. This changing landscape, coupled with a lack of positive male role models, has created a sense of ambiguity around the essence of being a man. This uncertainty has particularly profound effects on boys, impacting their self-perception and behavior. Traditional stereotypes of masculinity clash with diverse interpretations, confusing boys. They struggle to determine which traits and behaviours align with the modern definition of being a man. This confusion poses a big challenge. It could erode boys' self-esteem as they try to balance societal expectations with their true selves.

In today's cultural milieu, many young men find themselves at a crossroads, contending with two contrasting facets of masculinity. On one hand, they're repelled by the prevalent portrayal of masculinity in popular culture, often characterized by aggressive, demeaning, and misogynistic traits. On the other hand, some find themselves conforming to these damaging stereotypes, possibly due to societal pressures or a lack of alternative models. This dichotomy accentuates the dilemma faced by young men, torn between rejecting toxic masculinity and inadvertently perpetuating it.

Contemporary advice often tells men what not to do or be. However, there is little agreement on a healthy concept of manhood. This absence of a unified definition further complicates the already bewildering landscape for boys and young men. It leaves them searching for authentic and constructive role models, mentors, and societal cues to navigate their path toward a balanced and positive masculinity.

Moving Forward

These complex social issues emphasize the need for changes in education, family law, and societal norms to better support boys' development and address the challenges they face. But it takes a lot more than government policy to shift attitudes and bring about social change. 

I don’t have all the answers, nor would I pretend to. The first step is to open our hearts to the suffering. This enables the opportunity to engage in collective dialogue and co-create constructive solutions.

I believe men and women deeply need each other—as life partners, as siblings, as friends, as fellow human beings, and as crucial figures in nurturing stable homes and raising children. It would be misguided to believe that the two sexes should exist in complete isolation from each other. 

To pave the way for a more harmonious and equitable world, it is vital to embrace unity and interdependence. Let us not forget that while securing rights for one gender is crucial, it must not overshadow the importance of collaborative cooperation and mutual support between all genders, essential for the collective welfare and progress of society.